Should we break up or stay together? Things you need to know before breaking up

break up or stay together
Photo: Denisse Leon

break up or stay together?

Why do people date? The difference between dating or being in a relationship.

The primary purpose of dating is to figure out if the person you are seeing is a good match for you, or if you are compatible to build a serious relationship with that person in the future. While dating, people are trying to evaluate one another’s suitability as a long term partner or soul mate.

Oftentimes, deciding if the person you are dating has the potential to be a long-term partner, you take into consideration many factors like physical characteristics, personality, financial status, personal qualities, “chemistry” between both of you, mental abilities, etc. All of this information helps you to make up your mind, and decide if he/she is “The One”. In our society, this process is usually called “getting to know each other”.

What is the difference between dating and a relationship? When you are dating, you can see each other, get to know each other better, and try to figure out if you can be in a relationship. Meanwhile, in a relationship, you have agreed, either officially or unofficially, that you are in mutual partnership together, and seeing each other exclusively.

Relationships can have many different forms. There is no such thing as standard or “normal” relationship; but we all have that picture in our minds of something that we call “real relationship”.

We all want someone to love, to care about, someone who excites us; and we want that relationship to be mutual. However, relationships are not always rainbows and butterflies, and not always mutual.

Moreover, sometimes you like a person that you are dating, but there is something that makes you hesitate if you want to stay in this relationship. You may feel that you are not sure. What do you do then? Should you break up or stay together?break up or stay together


How to decide should we break up or stay together?

When is time to break up with someone?

Break up or stay together? If you have that feeling that you care about the person you are with, but you still hesitate. Or if your relationships have some problems and it makes you feel stressed, you start thinking about a break up or ending this relationship. In this case do not rush to make any serious decisions, because giving up on something great too soon may be something you will regret later on.

However, in some situations, it is better for both of the partners to break up and move on.

Here are some reasons why you should consider breaking up:

  1. Different values. Frequent conflicts and arguments. When you have a relationship with someone you constantly have conflicts, very different views and opinions about interests, family, politics, society, religion, etc., it may make you feel down and stressed all the time, and it is just simply not healthy for you.
  2. Cheating. No comments.
  3. Abuse. There is no excuse for abuse in your relationship. Mutual respect is absolutely important in relationships. Leave abuser and don’t even look back!
  4. You’ve changed and grew apart. No more spark. People change. And if you are in a relationship, sometimes you change together, other times you may not. It happens, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is wrong though to be in a relationship, in which you feel like your partner does not understand you at all, or you don’t feel good with your partner. You’ve changed, or your partner has changed. It’s one of the reasons why people loose the spark between them, the spark that they had before, when they met.
  5. Different temperaments. Personalities do not match.  You maybe just physiologically and psychologically not a perfect match. If you are emotionally sensitive and vulnerable and your partner is arrogant and impatient, think about it. How much fun can it be in a long term?

    break up or stay together
    Photo: Frida Bredesen – break up or stay together?
  6. Broken trust. If you forgive your partner for hurting you once, maybe even twice..a third time? … You see where it goes…


How to break up? 

If you are like me, who thinks that being dumped is emotionally easier than breaking up with someone you liked or care, you would rather prefer your partner to initiate the break up. However, in some cases you will have to be in control.break up or stay together

There are some steps you should do before breaking up:

  1. Have a conversation with your partner. Even before making your final decision to finish your relationship, share your dissatisfactions or concerns, discuss what your problem may be, what you don’t like or concerned about. So that it is not confusing and not a total “surprise” for your partner. It is respectful to let him/her know what you are going through, because your partner is a part of your relationship.break up or stay together
  2. Do it face to face, if possible. By telling your partner about your break up decision face to face, you can express yourself more clearly and therefore you avoid unnecessary miscommunication in the process. However, safety is important!! If your partner is physically abusive, you should break up over the phone, or in public. If you live together, plan where you are going to move out, or who is going to move out when you break up.
  3. Tell your close friend. Sharing it with your close friend may help you to feel less stressed and also, they may give you a valuable advice and support.
During break up, you should never say things like “we could be together someday” or other words that will give your ex-partner an incorrect impression that you are still interested in him or her. You should be clear. And in order to be clear, think first, before breaking up!
Photo: Kelly Sikkema

Break up or stay together? If you’re still not sure, ask a close friend or family. If that does not help, and you’re still not sure and it bothers you, try online Quiz. For example, Should I Break Up with My Significant Other Quiz. Link provided here. Honestly, I personally, have never tried to take that quiz, but it may be something you may want to consider.

break up or stay together
Photo: Burak Kostak
Ending a relationship with your partner is never a simple thing to do. This becomes even more difficult as your and your partner’s feelings are at stake.
Be honest but don’t be brutal; choose your words carefully.
Respect is just as important when ending a relationship, as when you are in a relationship.


What to do after break up?

Breaking up may be a very stressful experience. Try to take care of your emotional and physical health. Physiologically, that stress may cause excessive tiredness and emotional discomfort. Try to get proper sleep, go to the gym, try to eat healthy. Outdoor walks, picnics and quality time with supportive friends and family helps as well.


Final words

People may break up because of various reasons, and sometimes they are just scared.

In fact, when you’ve found someone amazing, especially if it’s the first time in a while, or ever, it can take you by surprise for sure, and that can be very scary and cause a variety of thoughts and feelings at the same time.

But if you feel that he/she is special, when you feel butterflies in your stomach and fast heart beat when you see them, when you smile remembering things you’ve done together, when you hug him/her and it just feels sooo good, don’t allow anything to let that special person go.

Always remember that meaningful relationships bring meaning to life.

May the Love be with you! ♥



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