Conditional Love: I Would Love You If…

Love! Love! Love! There are so many books and movies about it. Most of philosophers are still trying to find the answers about this mysterious feeling. Some people states that it is just chemical reaction and nothing more, others that is “gift from heavens”. We are not going to choose someone’s side. Moreover, this article is not about what love is- it is mostly about what love is not.

Couple days ago our team has found interesting article “Maybe You Don’t Know What Love Is” of popular writer Mark Manson. You may know him by NYTimes bestselling book- “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”. So the author is telling about his views on love and we want to share some interesting concepts of the article with you.

You are cool! I am cool! We should be together!

According to Mark we trade our good qualities as a currency, especially, when we are teenagers. Just remember your school years, the coolness determined the demand on relationship with you. We all were trying to hang out with cool kids to seem better than we were. And it was okay at school, but unfortunately some people do not grow out from the “you’ll do it for me, I’ll do it for you” relationships.

Thus, conditional relationship is a quite popular phenomenon today. You can ask: “and what is wrong?”. Actually, nothing, maybe for someone it is okay to live whole life with a person who appreciates your money more than you. However, experience shows that usually such type of relationships face the failure in the end. It happens because person prioritize something else above love and relationships.

For example, if you love your partner’s money more than him/her then what is going to happen if they lose all money? Exactly,  “feelings” will disappear. So, conditional relationships are really poor on emotional level. You are happy till you get what you need and want and it has nothing common with “pure love” from the favorite books.

How can I understand if I have conditional relationships?

We have already mentioned that conditional love is “give-to-give” kind of relationships. Yes, all relationships are based on giving something, however, in conditional relationships it is all about giving. So, if you want to understand does your partner really love you, ask yourselves several questions:

  • If I stop giving her money, will she still love me?
  • If I stopped having sex with this guy would he still want to see me?
  • What if I start expressing my feelings and emotions?

So as you can see conditional relationship is not only about money, it is about benefits your partner can take from you.

Is the conditional love really so bad?

No, actually, it is not, if both partners are totally okay with that and understand what their “love” are based on. However, it is not okay, when one partner is using the second one who blindly loves him/her. The main problem is that such kind of relationships do not last so long and any inconvenience can ruin it. For example, if you have to change a job and now you face financial problems, your partner may leave you (of course, if he/she loved you for money). Moreover, conditional relationships make us tolerant for being treated poorly. For instance, if guy is dating with girl because of “hot body”, he will be okay when she treats him like crap. He likes her for her body and impression she made, not for the way she treats him.

What should I do?

Thus, if you are not okay with such kind of relationships you should remove or “repair” it. Start thinking about yourself and stop accepting other’s conditions. You should learn to say “no” to your beloved ones.  Undoubtedly, it will cause inconveniences, moreover, you most probably lose someone after that. But do not be so upset, it is a proof of the conditions on relationships. As a result you will get people who truly love and appreciate you.

Recommended article: 5 Unexpected Facts About Love And Relationships


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