Why is he acting like that? Where did she go last night? Are we ready for the next step? When the high of being in a relationship starts to subside, it’s easier for you to start having doubts. Sometimes it can be scary as if you’re hesitating your position in the relationship, and you start to become more apprehensive. But most of the time, it’s just your mind picking up fragments and building something totally fictional out of nothing. So to answer the question – it is perfectly OK to have doubts about relationships.
Why do you start having doubts in the first place?
First: You are about to start the next phase in your relationship
Doubts can mean that your relationship is getting more serious and progressing to the next level. This is a good thing as both of you are equally committed to the relationship, and it’s perfectly normal to have hesitations.
Much like any big decisions in your life, such as career choices or moving to a new place, this means that you and your significant other have matured enough to pursue serious options in your relationship. In this case, your doubts help you analyze and decide on your future and contribute to the growth for you and your relationship.
Second: You think that you are settling
It can also mean you got to know a lot about your partner, up to the point that you might think to yourself – are we done knowing more about each other? Should I run out of my comfort zone and find someone new and interesting? It’s natural to think that you are settling, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Knowing a person inside and out brings comfort and trust, which are essential parts of any true relationship. Moreover, you should always bear in mind that you will never manage to know another person up to the hilt and that there is a lot more to learn about each other every other day. In that case, you may need to consider do something together that you have never done before or change the way you live or do certain things. That way it will help to uncover the hidden side of your partner and you will get amazed by how many interesting things he or she had hidden for such a long period of time.
Kinks in your head…
If your doubts start clouding your judgments and at a certain point it becomes everything you think about, it will eventually start to hinder your relationship and it’s time you do something about it. Here’s how:
Analyze your doubts
Is there any proof or evidence that may back up your doubts or does it root from insecurities? Is it your gut or instincts telling you that your partner might not be the right fit – or is it from experience? Sit down and reflect on your emotions and thoughts, is it just you or do the people around you see it too? Consider the reason for conflicts before deciding.
Make the list of all the thoughts that bother you on a sheet of paper. Then see the roots of each thought and decide which one needs to be discussed with your partner. Others will indicate that it was either the result of overthinking or your gut telling you something. The later should also be better discussed with him/her directly.
Be straightforward with your partner
Have an honest conversation with your partner. Chances are, your partner sees and feels the problem just the same way as you do. A little bit of transparency and honesty can never hurt, in fact, it can provide reassurance for both of you. Your doubts may take roots from fear of transition and settling. As such, a little support and understanding from your second half may help you get rid of overthinking.
The problem well stated is half solved
Some doubts are there for a reason. They might be there to help you decide whether the relationship has red flags or not. Therefore, you need to determine whether those doubts are healthy or toxic. As such, the right questions may help understand the problem much better and faster. Here we propose some questions you that may help you decide whether or not your doubts are reasonable.
Are your uncertainties related to how your partner is treating you? For example, your doubt may come into existence because your partner has abused you once before, and promised that it will never happen again. You excused his/her behaviour and therefore started doubting his sincerity in the relationship. Your doubts may appear because you want to justify his/her behaviour, but you know it’s hard to change abusive behaviour.
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and love does teach us to forgive them. However, if abusive behaviour repeats and makes you upset or even harms you, then you need to talk with your partner and make a decision.
Do you trust your partner? Do you feel safe telling everything about yourself to your significant other? If you entrust him/her all of your secrets about your past or any sensitive issues, then chances are your hesitations are just in your mind.
However serious and sensitive secret was it, if you doubt your partner not telling it, it will eventually make you unhappy. It’s better to trust once and live happily than regret and fear every single day, foreseeing events that may not even take place eventually.
Are you satisfied with your relationship? Is there enough intimacy and passion in your relationship? Sometimes, we may feel that something is missing between both of you that does not bring you happiness and satisfaction.
The reason is that we all perceive love differently, and we expect our partner to share the love we expect.
For example, he might not be comfortable kissing and hugging you in public. You might feel like he is not paying you attention or concealing you. As a result, you may obtain doubts about that. His true reason, however, is that he considers it very intimate to kiss in front of others and therefore prefers to do it when there is no one around. Without a discussion with him, you would never know that and had toxic doubts.
To sum up…
At the end of the day, doubts in relationships will always pop in your mind. Whenever you share your life with someone else, you’re not always so sure how they would react on certain things that you do.
If your doubts come from overthinking, try to talk with your partner, as often as you can. You may consider having sessions where you and your partner tell all the doubts (being prepared for critique) and try to clear them up.
If there are doubts about the partner’s love, then they most probably come from the difference that you perceive love. There barely are identical individuals who love the same way… Indeed, would it be interesting in that case?..