If you have once heard your child shouting an insult to a family member or a stranger, you must have felt the guilt of being a parent. You probably must have asked yourself where your son or daughter has learned the behaviour from. Parenting is one of the most diverse skills that most couples fail to understand. The habits of your child depend much on the influence of the parents’ habits. Your kid will learn more from the immediate environment. Psychological factors will also contribute to the child’s future behaviour.
Embrace positive behaviour
As a parent, therefore, you should strive to embrace a positive behaviour that your child will learn from. It is difficult for a child to distinguish between good and bad behaviour in their early years. The trust that the child has on the parent shows how much a kid can borrow from them. As much as parents encourage their kids to stick to their instructions, the kids are most likely to pick your actions more quickly. This is because children grasp faster nonverbal skills compared to verbal ones.
Social skills and etiquette
There are several bad parents’ habits that a child tends to learn from the parent. One of them is social skills and etiquette. Simple words such as “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, are very crucial in daily conversations. A parent who uses these words frequently at home will find the child getting used to them naturally. You will not be surprised when you bring a gift to your kid, and he says, “Thank you, mum.” As a parent, you get so impressed. A parent who fails to use these simple etiquette may get embarrassed when their relatives pay a visit.
The child watches how you solve your problems
How do you solve conflicts with your spouse or other people? Parents who end up exchanging words when they disagree at home are at risk of instilling negative behaviour to their children. Your kid will learn significantly from how you solve disputes. When you go physical, throwing furniture and kitchenware at each other, your child may end up being traumatized. They may also learn violence and transfer to other kids and even strangers. You will also not be surprised watching your kid solving issues the same way once he or she gets married.
Anger and cursing are also commonly borrowed habits from parents. Shouting cursing words when a parent is shocked may not be a good idea. The child borrows and uses them even if they do not know their meaning. A habitual utterance of cursing words can make children adopt them thinking it’s good behaviour.
Are you hard on drugs? Children whom their parents’ abuse drugs are more likely to start using them even at an early age. Smoking and alcohol are some of the most borrowed behaviours. Especially if the parent is doing it in the house, the child observes and also wants to emulate you. It’s not a surprise to find your wine in the fridge has dropped by some millilitres. Or maybe, a pack of a cigar is missing. Do not be surprised to find out that it’s your kid if you have been abusing drugs in-house. This can make your children addicts at their teenage.
You may become a good… or a bad motivator for your kid
Laziness is another critical behaviour. As long as the parent is less active, there is no doubt the child will. Parents who wake up and go for exercising or to work early may be an excellent source of motivation for their children.
Your kid is not guilty of your depressions
How a parent handles depression and stress impacts a lot to the development of a child. If you cannot manage depression positively, then you become so cold to your children, and they may have a feeling of isolation. A child who gets less care and attention from the parent is negatively affected. Being anxious or nervous about an outcome can also affect the development of your child. For instance, a parent who is worried about unforeseen outcomes all the time, their children are more likely to develop anxiety problems.
Addiction to the internet and technology is a growing habit that has a profound negative impact on parenting. Parents who spend most of their time on televisions, cellphones, tablets and social media may have less time to socialize with their children. Your kid will register frustrations when you show them less attention. The kids will tend to have anxiety, sadness and even show greater aggression. Also, you may expose your kids to adult content like pornography, which is not healthy while the child is developing.
Dynamics of parents habits and developing children
Parenting may be felt as a burden or extremely wanting when you read the above facts. However, it has its exceptions. A child may not entirely learn from what a parent is doing. Some will find some of the behaviours as they grow so extreme and learn positively from them. For instance, a child who has suffered from divorce or separation due to physical fights of parents will probably see it as a vice. They will protect their marriage so that their kids may not go through what they underwent. However, the main difference here is that the kid will later say not “I am proud of them being my parents”, but “I am proud I am not like my parents”… And it’s us who decides what heritage we leave.
Other influences come along the development of a child, which neutralizes the parenting habits effects on the child. For instance, religion. A child who will get into religion like a church will get teachings on the importance of ethical behaviour. Even their parent portray negative habits; these kids may never borrow from them. They may even question or correct their parents’ actions instead. School also matters a lot in the upbringing of the child. Teachers will always instil good behaviour on kids as they grow. This will greatly help a child coming from a background where the parent cares less about the habits.
What you should do as a Good Parent
As a parent, therefore, you should know how to handle matters, especially when at home. For instance, as a couple, if a child portrays a negative behaviour, it is not the right time to start a blame game. Sit down with your spouse and agree on how to get the child back. Make sure you also create free time and spend it with your children. Build a bond with them through recreational activities such as swimming, sporting, kids table games and etc.
As long as you are correcting them, let the punishment be as positive as possible. Beating up and spanking kids may scare your child from interacting with you altogether. Talk to them and explain your rules to them.
You should also try as much as possible to adapt to your kid. Some children will reach adolescence earlier than others. Do not misunderstand their actions. Learn how to control them appropriately without being so harsh on them. But do not forget that you can be too good for the child. Don’t praise bad behaviour in the name of “not being harsh.” Make sure you correct your child politely and with love.