So why one should not be afraid of loneliness? Firstly, we must take into account that present-day society takes almost all of our personal space and time. Therefore, it deprives us of the opportunity to spend some time alone. Constantly transmitting media like TVs, computers, eternally chatty radio do not allow us to feel the silence. As a result, one feels the necessity to upload oneself with any kind of information at all costs and find some useless concerns. Moreover, for most people, the silence brings about an irresistible feeling of anxiety and frightening emptiness. Therefore, there is no surprise that people try to avoid silence in every way possible.
In the good old days, our childhood was filled with dreams. Presently we try to occupy every spare minute our children may have. What makes us think that out of age education, excessive mental overloads, the abundance of consumer goods helps children to form a personality? In fact, it works contrary to our purpose, it makes children more dependable. Any average child needs some time to enjoy solitude. He/she also needs a spare moment to explore his/her inner world and to try to gain inner power to be able to break away from parents one day. Only when we stay alone we gain the ability to mature and feel the presence of ourselves in this world.
FORCED SOLITUDE as OPPOSITE TO LONELINESS
Talking about loneliness, we mean that we have been abandoned, or forgotten, or even pushed aside.
There are some very painful types of loneliness. To illustrate the point, elderly people who feel abandoned.
Sometimes it happens that people constantly complain about something, behave somewhat aggressively demanding something. Thus they create a void around themselves. This kind of loneliness cuts a person off the world and causes sadness and depression.
Some individuals face loneliness due to illness, broken relationships or death of beloved people. Others due to professional reasons such as dismissal or retirement. Fortunately, there is an antidote for all forms of loneliness. Whatever the reasons and however painful they may be there is a way to cope with them and it resides inside of us.
For certain reasons, many people can not resist such loneliness. Something makes them convinced that spending a few hours alone they steal themselves away from others. Therefore, feeling obliged they contribute themselves to society entirely. However, in most cases, they do it not because of concern for others but because of fear to be abandoned and forgotten.
There are lots of individuals, being afraid of loneliness, who continue to live with their partners. That makes them feel safer or somewhat protected. What’s more, there are couples who strongly believe that it is better to do everything together regardless of their different points of view. Sometimes one tries to dissolve into the other, guessing all his or her desires. Consequently, this relationship turns out to be suffocating. Finally, a partner tied up in arms and legs grows fainted under the weight of this pseudo care.
Fear of loneliness breeds attachment in a relationship. Coupled with a need to manipulate people a person endeavours to control everything. When we act this way we take the roles of executioners, victims, saviours, or toys. As a result, this chain of characters played destroys us as individuals. All the dependencies mentioned above derive from a single source. The real reason that explains why we act this way is that we are ready to do everything to avoid the feeling of loneliness. As a matter of principle, a dependent person cannot be self-sufficient. He/she always tries to cling to another person. Under the mask of addiction, most people often hide that very fear of inner emptiness. It is precise because our inner world lacks stability and security we desperately temp to cling to our social environment.
So, the question is if there is something that we can do to cope with this situation. Are there any proven steps that can help us to break this endless chain of delusion? First, a person should try to stay alone with oneself. Only when facing loneliness a person is able to realize how to struggle with own fears. As long as we cling to other people, we continue to breed our fears. Reasoning this way we must be sure that social isolation is not implemented. If we have some spare time that we can spend in silence we should use it to find a way out of a maze of contradictions. What we call real emotional security derives from recognising ourselves as individuals and looking thoroughly through our inner world.
In other words, solitude is the most suitable state to respond to the question of what you expect from others. Only in this emotional state, we can clearly realize what fears overwhelm us and why we need this desperate pursuit of eternal love and occupation.
Quite often we treat loneliness as a curse. We simply forget that it gives a chance for self-realization and an opportunity to penetrate into our inner world. One should not take loneliness with anxiety. It is rather a transitional stage to hope and rebirth. Voluntary solitude encourages a person to be more attentive to their own life. This state of the emotional stage strengthens our independence and helps focus on what is really important. The state of loneliness allows us to open our inner reserves, develops spiritual strength, magnifies courage, and gives clarity of mind. Only being in this emotional state we can gain the opportunity to live in harmony without approval from aside. Only then we can remain open to the real world and patient with others. Finally, this is only when we can stay stick to the chosen life direction and plan it in our own way.
Voluntary solitude helps a person to take responsibility for his/her own life. It also helps to realize our true desires and needs. To meet with silence means to meet with oneself and to get closer to one`s deepest essence in order to learn how to live with others. In a social context, this aspect presumes vital necessity.
SEVERAL TIPS ON HOW TO ATTAIN COMFORTABLE SOLITUDE
- Be more attentive to your way of life. Make the rhythm of your life more relaxed.
- Never turn into a workaholic, pay more attention to leisure, pleasure, and entertainment.
- Add more breaks into your schedule. Spend this time just sitting in silence drinking tea or just looking around. This pleasure is always available to us.
Spare a few minutes per day for physical exercises. It will help to relieve tension and give the body and mind moments to relax.
- Be attentive to your inner state. Listen to the breath inside your stomach. Be attentive to yourself and to your life. Let the beauty of the environment mix up with your senses. This is when you start to hear the clock ticking and birds singing despite the rush and noise that surround you. Listening to the music lets its vibrations penetrate into your soul.
- Feel free to dream. Dream whatever you may imagine. Let yourself see a piece of blue sky through the heavy clouds. Dream to enjoy the silence of a warm summer night walks outside the city.