Why does the relationship change after child birth?
A miracle happened and there is a new person in your family. From now on your life won’t be the same as before. A baby demands much time, effort and responsibility, so you can’t do anything when you’d like. Great changes are expecting you after your child birth and these changes will also impact the relationship between you and your significant other.
Firstly, and this is important to understand, each relationship, just like each new baby, is entirely different. A new baby in the family doesn’t necessarily mean that you will see any changes in your relationship, but like everything, it may require some work. So, we’ll take a look at potential changes that may occur in your relationship after child birth, and look at how you can stop this from happening to make sure you’re as satisfied with your relationship as you are with the bundle of joy that’s just came in to your life.
Less time to spend together
The first thing that most new parents notice, is a significant reduction in the amount of time they spend together. Sure, parents and baby might be all together, but being parents might look very different to being the individuals they were before baby came along, so really new parents’ the biggest complaints revolve around not being able to spend time together alone. Baby is going to need lots of attention, that’s a given, and sometimes time together is simply going to take a backseat to your baby’s needs, and that’s OK.
Sometimes you can’t spend time together even if you want. You can’t go to the restaurant, theater or karaoke with baby, it is odd to bring baby to such kind of places, plus you don’t know how the child will react. If there is someone in your family who can help you with care it is great, otherwise in most cases you need to sacrifice the time you wanted to spend alone.
The secret here is making sure that the time you do have together is quality. Just because you aren’t heading to a fancy restaurant in your nicest dress or smartest suit, doesn’t mean you aren’t having a good time together. Sometimes a late-night pizza on the sofa in your pajamas is all you can manage after the baby has finally fallen asleep. Don’t turn your nose up at these moments, because appreciating the time you have together, no matter how little or how infrequent, is key to staying happy in your relationship after the birth of a new child.
Problems arising after child birth
Another common complaint from new parents is the crazy scheduling change that happens after your new baby has arrived. You might be used to staying up late and waking in the afternoon, but this is no longer possible because your little angel keeps waking at 3 am and refuses to sleep until the suns up. This can inadvertently lead to frustrations in your relationship that really have more to do with your lack of sleep than any genuine problems in your relationship.
Moreover, the worst scenario happens when your child wakes up and starts crying during your intimate moments. You get nervous and frustrated, but no matter what you can’t ignore crying baby. Or you may get very exhausted by the end of the day and can’t pay much attention to your husband or wife. This way you’ll have problems with your intimate life. However, don’t let this ruin your relationship, these moments are temporary, so just be more patient.
The key to staying happy and rational here is to look at everything objectively. Your partner might have conveniently ‘slept through’ the babies crying for the fifth time that night, and as much as you might want to give them a little kick on your way back to bed, stop and take a breath. You’re tired, and your life is completely different to how it was before, but it is better, because you have even more love in your life thanks to your new baby.
More stressed, less attractive
Becoming a mother is wonderful, with the baby your life brightens and your child becomes the main source of the happiness. For people who don’t know it might seem as fairy tale, but in reality it is super difficult being a mom. After giving birth a woman needs to rest more to recover her strength and health. Instead, we usually meet young mothers stressed with sleepy eyes and dark undereye circles.
During that period many mothers experience postnatal depression which may last from several days to weeks. Feeling teary, scared, empty or anxious; exhaustion, not knowing why baby is crying – these are how a woman can feel herself. At that moment the support from the partner and family are priceless. You need to explain your partner what you want and what are you expecting from him. This will help you to get closer to your husband and to get rid of stress.
Furthermore, there is the biggest problem that concerns mothers – how to return to previous form. It is not a secret that during pregnancy women gain weight, unfortunately gained weight won’t disappear just after giving birth. Several months are required to return to the previous shape. Actually, appearance is one of the causes of depression. Majority think that with sagging tummy and extra weight makes them inattractive and this will cause negative changes in their relationship. With excercises and right diet you will recover very soon. What’s more important, your little angel is the proof of your love, so do not think that your significant other will love you less only because of some temporary changes in your body.
Adapt your relationship to your new life
At the beginning all new parents will face difficulties and after 3-4 months you and your baby start to understand each other. You’ll understand at what time the baby sleeps, when wakes up, why he is crying or not sleeping. Now you can adapt your own lifestyle and your relationship to your new lifestyle. After adaptation you can better manage your time, arrange enough time to household chores, to yourself and to improve your relationship.
Dear parents, be more patient, support each other and show your love more often. All parents pass through changes in relationship after child birth, try to make these changes only positive.
In short, make sure if you’re feeling frustrated with your partner, you really are feeling that way and it’s not just tiredness or something else making your mood low. If there is a genuine frustration though, don’t bottle it up. Your partner loves you, that’s why you have a baby to begin with. So be open and honest and your relationship won’t change at all, because you’ll always be focusing on adapting to your new lifestyle together.